As time passes in our lives as single people, male or female, we all are part of dates which are less than memorable; maybe even bad. Sometimes we might even continue dating a person that "isn't too terrible" just because we know how bad the rest of the world is. That brings me to today's topic. How many times have you dated someone, then met a friend of theirs and said "Wow, I made the wrong decision".
Whether you choose to act on that thought is entirely different than what you feel. There is always the reasoning that cheating with your mind is cheating, but lets just say for the sake of this blog that you are only getting to know the person. What do you do in a situation like that? I have only acted on my feelings once and I almost damaged a very good friendship because of it. But, should the friendship really have been damaged because I expressed my true self?
Was it wrong or right I do not know, however, it is how I felt. I was attracted to the girl I met first but more attracted to her friend. The facts are I had more in common with her friend than her anyways. So why do we always feel that after we date someone we can take emotional, physical, and mental possession over them? Even if the dating is separated years in between? You date one person and you can basically forget about the possibility of dating anyone in their circle regardless of whether it works out or not.
Maybe its just girls? Guys are more savage, I've know multiple instances of men dating their friend's ex-dates. I start to think: are we really more savage in that respect or just more true to ourselves?
There is no way "the friend" can tell if they are going to like you or not and usually will take themselves out of the picture because you "dated their friend". I really don't know what the answer is and so it has been a topic of discussion between my cousin and I for sometime.
Why are we in this perpetual act? Why is it that we cannot be ourselves in this social norm we call dating? In my opinion it is one of the times when we should be displaying our true colors.
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3 comments:
I loved this blog, because it hit close to home... a long time ago, My friend was dating someone and she wanted us all to be really close.. her parents were really strict so a lot of the time the 3 of us would make plans but then she wouldn't be able to join.. she would always encourage us to go out anyway, so we did.. Looking back that may not have ben the best choice but at the time we didn't think anything was going to happen.. we just enjoyed hanging out. Things between my friends boyfriend and I got to be amazing, we had our inside joes and silly little funny secrets and I started to realize that I really liked him. Of course, I didn't tell a soul not een my friend, in fear of losing her friendship.. I definitely didn't tlell the guy. One night my friend and her boyfriend broke up and she was so upset, but quickly got over it. About a month later, I was out and my friends ex was at the same place, we met up and started hanging out, dancing and then he spilled his heart out to me, he said everything that I was feeling and it just hapened.. we kissed.. that night I didn't think about my friend because I was so happy -- the nexst day the guy and I were hanging out and I felt really guilty and I got to thinking, "Why should I care about someone else's feelings MORE than my OWN?" It sounds selfish and I'm sure that would stricke up a HUGE debate, but it's true.. the first person we live for in this world is ourselves.. Should someone else's feelings be the controling factor on how I choose to lie my life, no way. After about a week of hanging out with this guy, I had to tell my friend, she was really upset- but in the end wished us luck.
I was lucky, because my friend understood that my happiness was important too, and if they weren't together anymore, she really had no say in what he did with his life. My advice to you here is: you're always going to have a conscience, but what you do with your love life, and friendships is ultimaltely your choice, you're the one that has to live with it all, and if you so choose to date an ex's friend, I say go for it, because your happiness is most important. I hope that helped. =)
Wow... what a great story. How did that work out? I personally don't see anything wrong with what you did and I appreciate you taking the time to write such a detailed story about it.
Thanks for the comment!
We project ownership onto others so that we have a greater opportunity of spreading our DNA into the future. We're nothing more than transport vehicles for our genetic codes. Of course we want to have as many partners exclusively our own as possible so that we ensure its ONLY our DNA that makes it into the next generation instead of the competition's DNA. Jealously and envy are reflections of our genetic wiring. We physically need to show potential mates we're the best human to mate with. We subconsciously believe that we're all precious and delicate flowers and how dare someone choose another person, they can't possibly be more special to mate with than I am. Its all because of evolution. We've evolved those feelings so that we avoid situations that would lead us to having fewer mating chances.
I guarantee that if you date an ex-girlfriend's friend, you will make your ex feel like shit no matter what she tries to convince you of. You've not only rejected her opportunity at mating but also chosen someone close to her circle of females, which are all competing for mating opportunities.
Its your happiness homes, do what you gotta do. But don't think it isn't fucking that girl up inside.
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